“Let’s pretend like we’ve just met and haven’t hurt each other yet.” you said, I can feel the scent of frozen blood on your lips. It’s from the last night, you had a fight with the wall, the mirror, and yourself.
“I wish I can.” standing right in front of you, I almost fall down, but I know if I fall this time, I’ll end up spending the rest of my life in freezing hell. “I wish I can’t.” I’m not sure what I’m saying, I’m not sure about my own opinion of your offering, I’m not sure about everything.
I’m not sure about myself.
“Don’t wish for it, just do it…” You run outside my room, close the door and open it again in a blink of eyes. “Hello!” you said. “Oooops, sorry, I think I’ve just entered the wrong room.”
I am muted. What are you doing?
“Well, are you okay?”
I don’t think so. What are you doing?
“Do you want me to leave?” you asked, I can see you’re begging under your faint smile.
I shook my head. What am I doing?
“Do you want me to stay?”
I shook my head. What am I doing?
“What do you want me to do, then?”
“Now, you tell me.” I dared you.
“I don’t know. I’ve done everything to make this relationship to work.
Come on, I love you, you know?” you said.
“Really?”
“Yes, I really love you. So let’s stop making this harder for the both of us.”
“If it’s true, then stop doing it.”
“What?”
“Loving me.” and make everything looks like my fault.
“Why? I don’t understand you.”
“The thing you called ‘love’ is hurting me.” I finally found my strength back. “And yes, you don’t. You don’t understand me.”
“I… I… love you, I love you…” that’s all the things you can say?
“And you think that ‘I love you‘ can fix the things you broke, here?” I pointed to my heart. “And here?” I pointed to my head.
“…” now you’re the one muted.
“So, no, I don’t want you to leave, I don’t want you to leave any of your belongings in my place, not even one. And no, I don’t want you to stay here, is that clear for you?”
“But, I love you.”
“Yes! But,” I gathered your stuffs and bring it to you. “I believe you need to buy a dictionary and bible to understand the meaning of love first before you keep saying it.”
“I really love you!”
“But you are not doing it!” I push you out from my house and my life and close the door.
Forever.
Zoornalism 