Tag Archives: personal

Happy Colorless Stars

The starry sky was what’s on my watch.
Been wondering why they’re there and how’re they feeling.
Were they cold? Were they lonely?

Then i heard a song from nearby forest
It was sad, scarlet and tough,
angry, restless and burnt,
happy, colorless and… starry.
It was rudely raw. 

Wish i could hear only the happy part,
But then i wouldn’t get it, would i?
Because people say life’s like a song.
What if it’s true?

I want to blame the black innocent tune
It reminded me of myself.
When i was kind and warm hearted
Was not cruel and obsessed with anything
Defenseless and weak. Approachable.
I miss my old self.

I was staring at the night sky.
And the forest was still chanting.
But, life goes on…
However, i have decided to go back to the past.
The questions of the stars were answered.
…. It was barely raw.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Look of It

Life’s a bit unfair, lately…

Or so do I thought.

It is a bit too much of everything.

The crossroads are through,

But not really though.

A little by a little, you started to lose yourself.

Devoured by the rhythm of mistakes,

You never knew would be so cruel.

You lost chances, and your loved ones hurt more.

Life’s a bit pristine, recently…

Or so do some thought.

How should we cope with the guilt of losing the things we lost,

That we don’t own?

As life’s a bit dragging,

You never knew it would be so cruel.

It throws you into regrets,

You blame yourself.

Until you can’t anymore.

But nothing you can feel more or less,

Life’s making you to love yourself less. And less it becomes…

As life’s a bit funny,

The love you get was so much,

Until you realized it,

It has changed a bit much.

Or that’s just the look of it?

 

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

More Than a Shiver

It is the waiting that kills
Each second amuses the mind with
Playful scenario of how it would go
And stay, or leave…

Little by little, that happens.
That doesn’t. Build up a house of mockery.
Self disempowering, self neglecting.

Until the anger takes the stage.
It throws everything to protect
Its defense is offensive,
It knows only how to fight…
Coz anger was born from feeling not safe.
Realizing now one will come to rescue,
But oneself.

And the next are the tears.
They try to clean the warfield.
Wash the flame of anger,
Because they know…
It is wrong and right at the same time.
Who can judge. When you hurt when you’re hurt.

But acception is rarely ever the end
Denial is the loyal visitor
In the end,
All will turn to ego to go.
You know it happens,
It is more than a shiver.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Urge to Write

After some periods of not writing freely, like without boundaries.

I just want to do it now, I don’t know what to write.

But I want to be free.

 

My work requires me to write, but there are rules, guides, dos and don’ts.

And hell, and heaven… I just want to be free!

So, here I go jumping to the path of freedom.

 

It’s like wanting to pee.

It’s like it’s biologically alarmed, so… I need do it now.

So I write about it, the urge to write.

 

I’m sure it won’t be good.

It will be meaningless, but here it is.

My writing’s done because I just want to pour it.

 

Done, I’m free!

Tagged , , ,

How Would I Live Alone In The Future?

Until now, there’re these questions I couldn’t ensure myself to answer.

“What’re you going to do when you’re old?”

“Are you going to get married?”

“Living in some fancy big house?”

“How are you going to live? From the saving you made?”

“How are you going to live in the future by yourself?”

I have no idea. None.

Honestly, I don’t know if I’m going to get married. There, it automatically kills the idea of having children. Evenless, grandchildren. However, I’ve this vision. That puts my heart and mind in peace despite of all the ingnorances flagging in my soul.

I’ll be sitting in a nice comfy wooden chair, it shouldn’t be neccessarily a rockery. Just a chair that doesn’t exhaust my hip and back is enough. I also can see the room I’ll be in, it’s not too bright, but it’s not too dark neither. It’s shady. The air is glowing with the smell of lemongrass, basil and some sort of flowers I don’t recognize. It’s crisp, it’s like the air near a waterfall. The atmosphere is like in the forest after a small rain. It’s calm, serene, daring, mysterious, mesmerizing and divine. I adore it, it’s like looking right through the eyes of the person I love for this first time. I’m going to enjoy it.

Then there will be these big and small bookshelves placed in the room, full of books. I’m going to have all the books I’ve always wanted to read!!! Books from all around the world. German, India, Palestine, Sweden, France, everywhere. And I’ll be reading them to spend my time, and by the time I get bored, I’ll watch movies. Or write my own story. Or draw the characters that always hauntingly popping out in my head. I’m gonna make them noticed by the world through the story I’ll make. They’ll be popular. Famous and infamous. Well, some of them are not that protagonist, I must admit.

Yes, that’s what I can say about how I would live in the future. I’m going to have all the books I’ve always wanted to read, and I’ll have the time for all of them!!! We’re going to be a good family, living In that forest near a waterfall. I’m gonna spend my old body like that I guess, not forgetting that I’ll have my favorite tea mixed with honey or chamomile or lemon or lavendar or else, anytime I’ll like them to come. I’ll also have all the fruit and vegetables I love. That’s perfect.

***

Yes, that’s how. I can imagine, the life I’m going to live in the future.

Even though I’ll be alone (hopefully not). 

I still can enjoy the life by myself.

It’ll still be a happy ending.

My very own kind of happy ending.

***

**

*

Tagged , , ,
%d bloggers like this: