Tag Archives: relationships

Happy Colorless Stars

The starry sky was what’s on my watch.
Been wondering why they’re there and how’re they feeling.
Were they cold? Were they lonely?

Then i heard a song from nearby forest
It was sad, scarlet and tough,
angry, restless and burnt,
happy, colorless and… starry.
It was rudely raw. 

Wish i could hear only the happy part,
But then i wouldn’t get it, would i?
Because people say life’s like a song.
What if it’s true?

I want to blame the black innocent tune
It reminded me of myself.
When i was kind and warm hearted
Was not cruel and obsessed with anything
Defenseless and weak. Approachable.
I miss my old self.

I was staring at the night sky.
And the forest was still chanting.
But, life goes on…
However, i have decided to go back to the past.
The questions of the stars were answered.
…. It was barely raw.

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Kemarin Itu Sudah Lewat

Tulisan ini awalnya dari ingat-ingat tentang waktu di meeting sama salah satu partner kerja, terus salah mikir kalau brand pantai nanas itu sama dengan coconut island. Entah kenapa bisa kepikiran gitu ya. Lucu, tapi bikin mikir…

Kadang aneh yah pikiran manusia, bisa mengkait-kaitkan yang sebenarnya ga berkaitan. Terus jadi masalah deh kalau kita bersikeras kalau itu memang ada kaitannya dan ga sadar-sadar. Terus jadi berdebat sama siapapun itu yang ga kepikiran kenapa kita bisa berpikir ke situ. Padahal sebenarnya ada atau nggak ada kaitannya itu sepenting apa sih? Kadang masalah yang bikin kita berantem itu sebenarnya kayak si pantai nanas dan coconut island itu ga sih? Masalah yang kita ada-adain di pikiran kita. Berantem yang mengada-ada.

Tapi ya itulah manusia ya, kadang lebih mentingin siapa yang benar dan salah daripada… yang lebih penting. Apa sih contohnya yang lebih penting itu? Yah, misalnya buat ketawa bareng karena kesalahpahaman itu. Ya ampun, coba ingat-ingat deh berapa banyak sih masalah yang dulu heboh banget pas kita alamin, eh sekarang kalau diingat-ingat lagi ternyata konyol banget karena ga jelas. Atau ga inget lagi sebenarnya kenapa.

Dari mikirin itu. Jadi kepikiran lagi kalau seminggu yang lalu sempat ada problem sama orang terdekat. Ga jelas masalahnya kalau dipikir-pikir lagi sekarang. Untungnya bisa kembali baikan dan saling coba ngertiin setelah itu lewat. Kalau nggak?

Nah, pernah kepikiran ga sih kalau salah satu kebutuhan dasar kita dalam berhubungan itu adalah “dimengerti”. Terus, sering banget kita marah karena merasa ga dingertiin. Merasa kalau ga dingertiin itu artinya ga disayang. Padahal yang nggak ngerti itu bukan org lain, tapi kita yang ga bisa ngertiin diri sendiri. Merasa orang lain sengaja nyakitin kita atau apalah, tapi emangnya gitu ya? Atau cuma dikait-kaitin aja?

Pertanyaannya lagi, rasa sebelnya itu buat apa sih? Buat nunjukkin kalo kita terluka? Kenapa mau nunjukkin kalo kita terluka? Supaya bisa diobatin, kan? Tapi minta diobatinnya dengan ngelukain orang itu lagi? Lalu yang dilukain mau minta diobatin juga akhirnya? Nah loh, kalau gitu sekarang yang punya obatnya siapa? Orang pertama, orang kedua, dua-duanya? Siapa yang ga ngertiin siapa kalau begini jadinya? Bolak balik terus aja sampe bumi jadi datar kalo ga ada yang mau stop.

Abis itu sok-sok-an deh buat ingat siapa yang mulai permasalahannya. Padahal ingatan manusia itu aneh pake banget. Suka inget hal yang buruk di saat yang baik. Lupa hal baik di saat yang buruk terjadi. Sedih saat kebahagiaan jelas-jelas minta diambil. Atau senang lama-lama mempersulit diri sendiri buat bahagia lagi. Ga mau lupain yang bikin sedih, ga mau ingat yang bikin hepi. Ga ingat kalau kita itu cuma manusia, begitu juga si dia. Lupa kalau sama-sama ga sempurna, makanya harus saling jaga.

Makanya hubungan jadi susah, percintaan, pertemanan, pekerjaan, keluarga, dan sama diri sendiri. Kita suka pertahanin ego, “Ini gua. Lu harus ngerti. Lu harus terima.” Hidup itu singkat, tapi kita rela habisin waktu buat  nunjukkin kalau kita benar, orang lain salah. Daripada buat sadar kalau, “ini kita. Bukan lu atau gua aja.”

Kenapa ya manusia suka sok pake banget. Sok ngerti. Sok bener. Sok paling tahu. Padahal ujung-ujungnya kita ga bakal ngerti semuanya kok. Diri sendiri, orang lain, dunia yang aneh ini. Tapi ga harus ngerti kok buat bisa ketawa bareng. Karena yah balik-balik lagi, kenapa ga ketawa bareng aja sih? Karena ujung-ujungnya, semua yang ada di kemarin itu sudah lewat, pilih-pilih lah yang perlu diingat dan dilupain.

Jadi, udah nentuin siapa yang mau stop duluan sebelum bumi jadi datar?

*Content ini sifatnya sok tahu jadi jangan marah kalau tidak pas
*Tidak merujuk kepada pihak siapapun saat ini, tetapi ke diri sendiri saja
*Hanya ingin berbagi pemikiran siapa tahu berguna

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Conscience Smitten Lovers

Fajeer, that’s his name. Naneesha, that’s hers. Both are in a relationship, but they have their heart on another person. His on her, hers on him. But they respect their relationship. And they don’t know they have feelings on each other. Isn’t it funny?

Stars, ice, darkness.

Distant, frigid, and lost.

Well, I can’t find the right way to describe them. So, it’s better for you to learn by yourself.

*

*

*

“How’s your work?” Asked Naneesha trying to start a talk.

“Well, I thought we’re not going to talk about work here?” Fajeer replied.

“Okay then. Then let me redo that.” She sighed.

“I let you.” A smirk appeared on his tips lips.

“Oh, wow. So now I need your permission for everything?” She tried to sound upset, but she was not, not even one bit.

“You bet! Ha… ha… ha…” Fajeer purposely made a conceited laughter, meant it as a joke.

“Alright then, Your Majesty.” She played with her hair before she said, “So, how’s your… W-O-R-K?”

“Seriously?” Fajeer startled, but kinda liked it.

“Seriously, Faj. I want to know how you’re doing. The last time we met, you have problems with your workmates. I just wanna know, you know, who knows what I can help you with. Right?”

“You know you can. By not asking it.”

“Come on, Faj. I’m concerned about you.”

“No… You. Are. Always. Concerned. About. EVERYTHING!” He emphasized each word he spoke, implied her as being a busybody. Still meant it as a joke.

“Yes, I do.” She threw her face to the other way, and back to her coffee. And to him. And to her toes, trying to cover her heart saying,

‘yes, you are my everything.’

And by the time she made her way back into his eyes, this came out from her mouth, “you have problem with that?”

“Not really. But I have problem with not having problem about it. That’s weird. Unhealthy.”

“Haha. You are right, you should seek help from a psychiatrist.” And the conversation grew by itself.

“Or a shaman.” He added.

“Shaman? Why?”

‘You’ve put a spell on me.’ 

He turned his head and looked to a waiter who was cleaning a table. And to his phone. And to his watch. And by the time he made his way back into her eyes, this came out from his mouth,  “because I believe in magic.”

“Like… Harry Potter?” She onwarded her sit position. Interested in a deeper conversation.

“No. It’s not magic. It’s a novel, and a movie.”

“And a hel-lot of money!”

“Hahaha… that’s so fajeerishly true”

“Wow, sometimes I’m amazed how you’re so great at peacocking yourself. Fajeerishly? You want to get it into the dictionary?”

“And I am amazed of how sometimes you don’t know that your words can sound pretty ambiguos.”

“Ambiguos? Like what?” She didn’t get it.

“You just said that I am ‘peacocking’ myself.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“You really didn’t get it?”

“I didn’t. Really.”

“Oh well, just forget it.”

“No, tell me.” She got even closer.

At this close distance, the closeness that made him able to smell the scent of her hair, he could see how beautiful her lips are. And how sparkling her eyes are. And how he really is in love with her smile and personality.

And he accidentally became conscience smitten to kiss her.

In that short time lapse, the world stopped, the moon stopped, the galaxy stopped. The universe helped them to lock their lips in eternity. But reality b-r-o-k-e it.

As he gathered his conscious thought to the fact that they are not supposed to be lips locking like that. She did the same too. And silence crept between them. They tried to forget that eternity. But they failed. She failed first. Well, second… because he started it.

“Faj, you know I have feelings for you.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“So, it’s okay if you kiss me.”

“-do it. What?” That wasn’t expected by Fajeer.

“You heard me.”

“No. Don’t say that. We both have someone already. We have to respect our relationship. So, sorry. It was my fault.”

“No. It’s mine too.”

“No. No. It’s mine only.”

“I wore my expensive lipstick.”

“So?”

“It’s my fault.  My expensive lipstick seduced you.” And she smiled. Tried to kill the awkward atmosphere.

He smiled back. And the awkward atmosphere died. They had to go back to hide their own feelings. They had to let go. And respect the relationship they had…

…though they were actually fake. She wasn’t with someone. He wasn’t either. They faked it. As fake as the entertainment world. All acting and branding. Wait, so why didn’t they speak the truth?

Well, the real life of adults is a total weirdo. Sometimes, you think you’re more attractive to people when you’re already with someone else. Fajeer and Naneesha think the same. They thought, if they didn’t have one, the other won’t actually have feelings for them. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s false. No one knows.

Maybe, they really had feelings on each other just because there’s a border that didn’t allow them to do so?

Like I said.

Stars, ice, darkness.

Distant, frigid, and lost.

Which one is right? It’s yours to believe in.

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The Day After Yesterday

For me, nothing’s better than an event when two people meet to open a story.

Because a meeting opens up a lot of opportunities,

I mean, have you ever heard of the many worlds theory by Hugh Everett III or Schrödinger’s cat? Yup, exactly my point. And yes, guess what… that’s precisely how this starts.

A snow, countable. Two leaves.

And us. In an almost fancy restaurant.

We meet. Under a tree.

I remember the day, it is the day after yesterday. You know, a more beautiful way to say, today. I reckon birds. Three are colorless. Two are of rainbow feathers. The rests are featherless.

Contrast.

In every respect. Like you and me.

I am always prepared about things. You are spontaneous. I calculate things. You don’t. I prefer healthy food. You eat recklessly. And I often get mad about that, because those food you eat could make you ill.

And when you are sick, I feel sad.

And I don’t like being sad. Especially if it’s because of you.

I also hate to sweat and be in a hot place, but you are not, you actually like it for reasons I can’t process.  I am short tempered. And you are freaking patient. I just don’t get it, how could you be that chilly.We are different in almost everything but one, you love me. And I love you too.

That’s… most probably the only thing we have in common.

And, I dare to bet on it.

Yup, like I said before, everything happens the day after yesterday. Under half light and half darkness. I can recall, we are having dinner, you have your large portion of sirloin steak and fries-such a weird and unhealthy menu-while I am eating my salad, chewing slices of tomato, lettuce, and tomato. Then, abruptly, you show me a shiny little rock embedded on a circular shaped thing. It is a ring.

And suddenly there’re also flowers. Smells good, like Baby’s Breath, or Azalea, or both, or I actually don’t really know. After that you don’t ask anything, neither do I. You softly pinch my cheek. I blush. You smile. The time stopped. We enter the eternity.

We converse using our eyes.

And, (I’m blushing even more now) lips.

The ring is now a part of me, as a symbol that two things so damn different, could join together. Though we will fight, and we will probably scream at each other (or it’ll just me who will do and you will just suffer for it, hmm… so much for being patient).

I know we will survive. Because I love you, and you love me.

And nothing could break love.

And I have a fat faith that we won’t ever do nothing. So, that nothing won’t stand a chance to come between us. Now, although it happens the day after yesterday, the today of a long time ago. Funny, it’s still so fresh in my head.

The snow, the birds, the ring, your sirloin steak, my salad. Us.

And love.

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Relationships Are Like Books?

 

I suppose, relationships are like books.

Entering the battlefield of love is like walking into a bookstore, or a library, or anywhere else

bookful (like it’s even a word). On the left side, to the right side, on all side, to all possible side.

I find shelves with tags, some are familiar to me, some are not, some I am not sure if I’m familiar

or not. Just like the real world where I hunt for relationship.

I wonder, I wonder, which section is going to suit me best?

Sometimes, I choose based on reasons. A lot of the other time, I choose because of something

I’m ashamed to say—–fate (in whispering volume). But whatever section it is, I’ll find books.

And here’s when it gets tricky.

Finding things, doesn’t always mean you can have them, right?

There, then, like I said before, relationships are like books. Furthermore, the finale question

is always the same, “So, what’s my book?” What genre would satisfy me? How thick I can

manage to read? What cover I’d like to stare, again… and again?

Thus, I wonder, I wonder, which book is going to suit me best?

I wander my eyes, as far as my sight can go, as far as I can take into my focus. Books, are all

around the place. Big books, small books, diary full of personal things, self- learning books that

(probably would) help me to reinvent myself, fantasy fictions that will make me live in the

non-existing world? Or maybe I’d like to try the tragic drama? Mystery? Astrology? Darn, it’s

hard.

Confusing, because the more choices you have,

the harder you can think right and take the right decision.

Nevertheless, I go to the next step, because I have to. I go (or I went?) to the next step. I believe

that time doesn’t wait for anyone, who knows what tomorrow bears.  Thus, here’s what I do, a

little warm greeting to begin with. “Hello, books, please be nice to me.” I said to myself withan

inaudible voice. After that, I continue to another step, I started to choose. And I find that-of

course subjectively-some books don’t even get my attention, the ones I like to have are too

expensive to purchase, the others? Well, I don’t think I’ll understand so I skip them. Above all, I

only want to say that these-get rejected-books, are not ‘not qualified’ enough, it’s just, they are

not (again) fated with me.

Now, what happens to the others that are fated with me?

Long road, long-long road they go. Some, I can enjoy since the beginning to the end (a very rare

case), some, I must struggle to stay at the boring-tiring beginning to get to the fun part. In some

other cases, I give up because I’m not committed enough to finish them. Some, I could

finish without any problem. But even for the finished books, some are not even in my memory at

all, some are lost even before I can save them, some I accidentally find again in my long-long

forgotten treasure box, some I can’t describe what I actually feel about it. Some, become my

favorite. Some others, I hate.

But books are easier than relationships.

When you choose them, they don’t reject. When you buy them, they won’t cheat on you and go

the become someone else’s. When you choose to want to read them again more seriously, they

don’t forbid you. They are not alive. It’s easier. But relationships, for crying out loud, are harder

to understand. Anyway, to some certain levels, I still think that relationships are like books

because no matter what, they always give you something to think about, and some feelings to feel

about, despite how insignificant they are.

So, now, now, I wonder, I wonder, what book are you reading?

 

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