Tag Archives: relationship

You See Through


All this time,

I don’t mind being an ordinary person
Not to stand out among the crowd
and be a party that everyone likes,
I am fine being a nobody
I don’t need to shine bright.

But I wonder if it’s a crime?
When I found you,
I know you’re the one.

Then, I want you to see me
I want to stand out among the crowd
I want you to recognize me
But I’m not a star
I don’t light up in the dark night.
Everyone else is special but me.
How can you see me?

I was desperate for your attention.
Trying everything, keep on failing.
How can I believe it?
Among the sparks around me…
In the end you choose me.
Like I’m number one.

Even when all I had was a heart that’s full for you.
A fool in love that you see through.
This ordinary man who falls and false.

From time to time,
I don’t mind being an ordinary person
Not to stand out among the crowd
and be a party that everyone likes,
I am fine being a nobody
I don’t need to shine bright.
for everyone elses.

But for you,
I want to be extraordinary
Become the special color in your life.

Thank you for choosing me, 
this ordinary man…
And accepting a foolish heart
that is always ready to lose for you.

That you see through.
Is more than enough…

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Propinquity Effect


.

Your eyes, sweety. They’re heartbreaking.

In no inches. I can see.

They emit something sad, calamitous sceneries.

***

How you try to speak, just to fail and stutter.

The way you talk, and try not to tell the thing I don’t want to hear.

I could listen. To your expression.

The joyless beauty your iris reflects. Every single blink.

In this closeness. I vividly smell your heart’s scent.

It’s lovely. Like a healthy sugar, sweet, yet not deadly.

And the music your breath sings. It leaves me hanging.

***

“How are you?” You asked.

“I am fine, but not that fine. . .

I am not fine, but not that not fine.”

And the finale question shows up, “Can we try again?”

And we open up a new canvas. To paint a new art.

***

Beginning. Never feels so distant.

In my yesterday’s future. You’re still there.

With your poignant eyes.

With your innocent bleak smile.

With witless and withering blesses.

***

And to go back to that chapter.

Where we met under violin’s rain.

When we listened to the orchestra played,

by the drizzling cosmetique in the sky.

Not to forget that one umbrella to cover our ‘igˈzistəns’.

It’s the propinquity effect, sweety.

A reason to open the door, and let the guest…

You, become a forever heart-part.

In my very weary life.

.

.

.

How-To-Define-Propinquity-Points

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Last Night’s Dream

***

Last night I had this dream of you.
You were here, in my house. Out of sudden.
I was in shock, but a positive one.
Because that meant I had a chance.
Would you stay?
Could you tell me why?
Should I ask?
I was perplexed. I was thrilled.

My family seemed to like you.
Really, I knew it’s just a dream.
And, for God dammit.
I’ve never had any crush to show up in my dream.
Why you did it?
And why now?
After these broken 4 months?
Was it because the tv show I watched?
Or the movie I caught?
Walking Dead and The Cabin In The Woods?
No way, they’re irrelevant.

And in my dream we conversed.
I forgot what’s it all about.
But I bet it’s good, because I believe you choose to stay.
Here, with me.
Which meant you left your 3-year-old-relationship with your current boyfriend.
Yeah, I know I’m a dirty bitchy mistress.
I wish your relationship breaks, even in my dream.
I hate myself for that. I know it’s wrong, but what can I do?
I cut and destroyed every connection with you.
But, see? You showed up in my dream.

I can’t deny how much I like it, to hear your voice.
In my dream, for crying out loud.
Even though it’s just in my sleep.
And I wonder why can’t someone else be more like you.
Make me mad like you did.
Someone available.
So I won’t be the evil third person here, or there, or between.

I dreamt of you.
And I wickedly wish that dream could come true.
I am sorry, but I like you that much.

Dammit, I wish liking you is just a dream too.
So, I could just wake up, and I’ll find myself sane again. Not like this.

And now, I don’t know which dream I want to wish to come true anymore.
Dammit, you even made my dream complicated.
No wonder my real world turned upside down when I met you.

The dream. You. Me.
Dammit.
Everything just… feels so surreal now.

***

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Who Suffers More?

Once upon a time, there were 2 women, they were at the exact age, the exact physical appearance, they are twins. They both got married at the same age of 23, right after they had finished college. The marriages lasted for the same 20 years. They both had 2 children. They both greatlly love their husbands and families as much. Everything was the same but one,

the way they lost their husbands, it was different.

The first woman, Janet, found her husband had passed away in his room because of a sudden heart attack when she got back from work. She lost him because of death. Right after the event, Janet felt like losing a big part of herself, she couldn’t stop from crying everytime she remembers any memories about him. She missed him a lot, but he had gone for good. There’s nothing else she could do but to suffer from his leaving.

The second woman, Bella, found her husband was having an affair and therefore, after a lot of fights and tears and broken hearting screamings at each other, they both decided to get divorced. Bella’s husband moved to live in another country right after the event, cruelly left Bella and his children. Everyday, after the event, Bella felt depressed, she kept thinking what had gone wrong? What’s wrong with her? Why would he cheat on her? After these 20 years of being together, why? But all those so-many-whys couldn’t be answered. Therefore, she suffered from losing him, of course, in a different way compared to Janet. She lost him because he chose to leave.

So, who suffers more? Janet, who knows her husband (who of course truly love her) is gone because of something he didn’t choose? Or Bella, who knew her husband left on purpose? If you were to choose between those two women, who do you want to be? Janet or Bella? If (only if) you need to suffer from losing someone you truly-really love, if you can choose the ending of your relationship, which one do you think is the worse and which one is the better?

Which one do you think you can cope better and give you less suffering? To lose your partner because of the deathOr to lose your partner because he never really love you?

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