Tag Archives: random

Mad Wish

I’ve seen myself
in many-too-many forms
of darkness, of madness,
of dark mess and mad mess…

Others have seen themselves
in those moments, have they?
Chased by tick-tocks, tuts, sneers…
Haunted by the past, the present, the future, and the parallels
Or it’s just a mad guess?
Of is it just me, mad, I guess?

However, no matter how often.
It always feels new…
The unbearable state of half-asleep and half-awake,
and completely wondering
to the point of there’s no point in thinking at all.
Because it’s the thoughts, that harass, the thoughts…

I guess I just miss you, no?
You around. Now you’re so far.
I just miss you around.
But now you’re there afar.
And I just miss you… around…
this is too far. I miss you…

Around and around, these thoughts.
I hope I come around.
These thoughts in the nights,
I hope will never be around…
I hope it’s not a mad wish.
I wish a mad wish…


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Do Coincidences Happen Coincidentally?

First of all, the thing that made me write this post is because of George.

Well, to be precise, I was watching Grey’s Anatomy (anyway, there’s going to be a little spoiler here); it was on season 6 episode 1 where they found out that the person with the severe damage was actually George.

Here’s where it gets funny, randomly I paused the movie for awhile to check on an E-Newspaper (Jakarta Globe) and saw an advertisement about Asus Nexus 7 which I found interesting. I clicked on it to get the details. There, I found a link to a video; I clicked on it and the first line in that advertisement was, “this is George.”

and I was like – – – – – Seriously? George?

I know that is not something significant. It’s not like I have some kind of 6th sense or so. But, I am just really wondering if, by any chance, coincidences don’t coincidentally happen at times. I mean, it’s not seldom that I found myself wake up at the same time in the middle of my sleep (some kind of biological clock or what?), or when I have an acne on the left side of my face; another acne will appear on the right side of my face, at the same lining position to the first one.

Why are those coincidences somehow don’t seem coincidental at all.

As if they are a sign of something, a preminition of whatever it is.

While these events keep happening, I then started to take a note of every not-so-coincidentally coincidence that occurs. As many as I can recall, I think these coincidences are, well, suspicious, or just plain silly.

I was born on the date 16,
I was ranked 16 twice while I’m in school, and oh…
I was the second son in my family. So, it’s like 16, 2×16, and 2 …
or I’m just making those numbers in my mind?

when I am thinking about a song in my head,
somehow, another person near to me will sing it or play it.
Maybe, I have some kind of telepathy talent or whatever. Coincidence?

when I don’t want to see a person,
I keep meeting them, or seeing them.
It’s actually pretty annoying.
I have a reason why I don’t want another encounter with them.
But I think God is telling me not to run from my problem, but face it?

when I want to answer a question from my teacher or lecturer,
I will say “me, me, me” in my head repeatedly and I will be picked to answer.
When I don’t want to answer, I still get picked.
Well, so I guess this is getting more and more pointless.

Okay okay, for the last one I was only joking. But seriously, I swear some coincidences are so not coincidental. I mean, look at George.

That must be a sign for something, right? George!
G.E.O.R.G.E ,
it’s a six letter word! Six!

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Syllogism’s Parody

Beauty is pain.
No pain no gain.
No beauty no gain…?


Love is sane.
thus, in-sane can be spelled in-love?


Truth hurts.
No one want s to get hurt.
No one wants the truth?


People say that love is everything.
But no one can do everything by himself.
So, love is meant to be done together?


Change is inevitable,
Bad habits must be changed,
Bad habits must be inevitable?


Time flies.
Bird flies.
Time is bird?


Singers sing.
Dancers dance.
So, it you lyp-sync, you are a lyp-syncer.


If you are what you read,
then who are you if you can’t or don’t read?

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I walk, slower than i used to do. Three steps for six seconds, then sixty will make it thirty. I look at my wrist, as if i am wearing a watch. There, i couldn’t find my comfort timezone anymore. Something is lost, i wonder what is it, but i’m sure it’s not the watch (even though i realize it’s not there). I look at the sky, the sun and the cloud also aren’t there. I shake my head until i see stars. I wish i am wishing, but i am not. I am only drizzling.

Therefore, i managed to let myself accept the reality.

Nothing has lost. The fact only shows that everything is changing. Time has polished each of the flings. North to South, East acrosses West. Couldn’t believe i’ll find the most steady yet firm people have melted down. And that’s why i walk slower.

Understandable, in their most readable ambition. Questionable, in their most inhumane desire. The past reminds me about how i always wanted to be like some of those heels walking on the fragile glass. Cracks that are widening each step it took. The future asks me questions, whether i’ll be able to live the life i wished for, or i’ll just follow and join in the worst community that will guarantee my survival—–that forest of teeth and nails.

In my slow walk, after i make my six hundred and third step, I meet my old self when i’m trying to cross the bridge of lost empathy, i stop myself and examine closer. I changed, better in some aspects, worse in others. Dooh-doooh, still couldn’t believe myself. How can time change all sides of dimension in discreet? Inside, outside, beside,

how can time never changes itself?

Yeah, that’s why i walk slower. I know i’ll be left behind. I know I won’t be able to follow the pace of the competitive world. I know, i always know, but i have my own thought. Sorry, but i’ll choose to walk slower.

If i walk slower, i’ll stay longer, and if people want to find me, they’ll just go back to my last resort and i’ll still be there, right?

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Think First or Sense First

Waking up at time i didn’t plan to, checking my schedule and found nothing to do for the last 6 hours have made me come to this weird but interesting question. Actually it’s only about the curiosity of how mind works. To make it short, here’s the crux.

“What comes first, thoughts, or senses?”

To think about it, it’s a pretty ambiguous matter (or is it just me being arse). Well, let’s say we saw the overcast sky and thought it’s going to rain after the ‘seeing’, isn’t it obivous that the sense (of vision) comes first? But, let’s re-think it over, “what made us choose to see the sky in the beginning?”

It’s kinda riddling, isn’t it? So here’s the calculation; 1st, you think you need to find out about the weather for certain purpose. 2nd, after you found something out (which is the fact that the sky is overcast), you began to think that it is going to rain.

So, think (to) sense causes you to think (again).

But, what if this is the case? You are walking across the road,  suddenly someone bumps to you from the back, you react by looking at the person. Here, from the beginning you’ve never thought about the bumping or the person first. It is pure started with the bumping. You sensed the bump, it triggered to the thought of finding out about the bumping or what has happened to your back, or the person.

There, you sense the bump first and  it makes you think

Actually i remember something that is close to explain this question back in my psychology class, i forgot the title of this study and too lazy to google it. All i can remember is this cognitive-affective-conative stages of responses. Simply, the cognitive area consists of knowledge, information and stuffs like that, affective means emotion or feelings, and conative is the behavioral matters. The study basicly implies that people got information (cognitive) first, then the information gathered yields particular emotion (affective) and in the end, using the information or/and emotion, people will act. Interestingly, the study also explains how the action took, then, can give them another experience (cognitive) and make them feel (affective) different emotions, therefore (maybe) they’ll make another action. So it is like a circle that never ends.

But unfortunately, the study didn’t help that much to confirm which begins first, the cognitive area related to thinking or the conative area of action ——— included sensing.

In the end, here i got an easy example to explain how complicated this matter is (in my personal opinion)—– to wake up from sleep. So, waking up is an action (conative), right? But, how does it happen? Do we just suddenly wake up without any reason at all (without those cognitive and affective stages to start with)? Or, something –we don’t know– wakes us up, like a biological alarm or else and without any notice or in a flash that we didn’t realize, we actually had passed those stages?

Then, back to the main question, which do you think is right? We wake up because we think we need to wake up (just like that) or we sense something that wakes us up and think that we shouldn’t continue our sleep anymore? Think first or sense first?

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