Tag Archives: personal thoughts

Happy Colorless Stars

The starry sky was what’s on my watch.
Been wondering why they’re there and how’re they feeling.
Were they cold? Were they lonely?

Then i heard a song from nearby forest
It was sad, scarlet and tough,
angry, restless and burnt,
happy, colorless and… starry.
It was rudely raw. 

Wish i could hear only the happy part,
But then i wouldn’t get it, would i?
Because people say life’s like a song.
What if it’s true?

I want to blame the black innocent tune
It reminded me of myself.
When i was kind and warm hearted
Was not cruel and obsessed with anything
Defenseless and weak. Approachable.
I miss my old self.

I was staring at the night sky.
And the forest was still chanting.
But, life goes on…
However, i have decided to go back to the past.
The questions of the stars were answered.
…. It was barely raw.

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The Look of It

Life’s a bit unfair, lately…

Or so do I thought.

It is a bit too much of everything.

The crossroads are through,

But not really though.

A little by a little, you started to lose yourself.

Devoured by the rhythm of mistakes,

You never knew would be so cruel.

You lost chances, and your loved ones hurt more.

Life’s a bit pristine, recently…

Or so do some thought.

How should we cope with the guilt of losing the things we lost,

That we don’t own?

As life’s a bit dragging,

You never knew it would be so cruel.

It throws you into regrets,

You blame yourself.

Until you can’t anymore.

But nothing you can feel more or less,

Life’s making you to love yourself less. And less it becomes…

As life’s a bit funny,

The love you get was so much,

Until you realized it,

It has changed a bit much.

Or that’s just the look of it?

 

 

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More Than a Shiver

It is the waiting that kills
Each second amuses the mind with
Playful scenario of how it would go
And stay, or leave…

Little by little, that happens.
That doesn’t. Build up a house of mockery.
Self disempowering, self neglecting.

Until the anger takes the stage.
It throws everything to protect
Its defense is offensive,
It knows only how to fight…
Coz anger was born from feeling not safe.
Realizing now one will come to rescue,
But oneself.

And the next are the tears.
They try to clean the warfield.
Wash the flame of anger,
Because they know…
It is wrong and right at the same time.
Who can judge. When you hurt when you’re hurt.

But acception is rarely ever the end
Denial is the loyal visitor
In the end,
All will turn to ego to go.
You know it happens,
It is more than a shiver.

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I Paperplane You

How can I don’t fly?
When you give me all good, better than all I can expect.
Treat me so well, though I act like hell.
Do me so much love, while I’m really hateable.

And you bring me to more than one heaven.
You told me that getting lost is fun,
I started to believe in that.

I have the things you don’t like,
you do the things I don’t like,
but why it doesn’t matter that much anymore.

When you are not around,
and I am doing nothing related to you,
The memories of us can knock my head,
like your ruffle on the top of my head,
and this sillyness, drags my lips to smile.

How can I explain this?
I don’t know for sure,
I am starting to enjoy this.

I’m grateful for this flight, I paperplane you…

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I Learn To See The Big Picture

I learn that sometimes,
I’ve got to see the big picture to understand something better.

And to capture that view,
firstly, I need to pull myself away from that something or someone,
or between, or both.

I learn that being too close to something,
could blind you about what’s really going on and what’s not.

I learn that getting closer doesn’t mean you’ll understand more, or less.
It’s just, that’s not the way things work here.
Proximity isn’t really a factor for intimacy, I guess.

I learn that loving someone, doesn’t always mean you can make him/her happy.

Sometimes, you gotta pull away, pull yourself freaking away and…
see the big picture.

I learn that holding onto your belief could be false too,
the thing you think is right, has a chance to be wrong.
Just because you think something is right, it doesn’t make it right.
Just because you think that the sun is cold, it doesn’t make it cold.
It won’t. The sun’s still igneous.

I learn that feelings are not eternal.
Sometimes you’re sad about something, but you move on.
Sometimes you’re happy about something, but you need to go on.
Sometimes you’re empty, and you need to feel sad or happy.
Sometimes, being sad is better than being empty.

I learn that sometimes, sometimes happens.
There’s always a chance for everything to happen.
That means, there’s also always a chance that nothing will happen.
And when it happens, it happens.
But when it doesn’t, it doesn’t.

I learn that things are going to change,
whether you like it or not,
whether it’s neccessary or not,
whether you realize it or not,
whether you accept it or not.

I learn that I’ll always have something new to learn about.
I learn that what I learn won’t always make me smart,
I learn about inconsistency, cognitive dissonance,
The thing we called “between”.

I learn that when I found myself lost and dumbfounded, sometimes,
what I need to do is to pull myself away.
A moment. Awhile.
To see the big picture…

I learn that in the end,
maybe what I really need to have to survive is…
an understanding,
or at least,
the willing to understand…

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