I came to write this post after the last hang out with my friends. One of them is married.
And is getting a divorce…
“It will be official in no time.” my friend said.
We’re listening, not knowing how to respond or what questions should be asked or not since we’ve never been married.
That’s all we could think about.
“What went wrong?”
And that’s another question.
She knew that we’re going to ask. OF COURSE! We’re her friends, we wanted to know and we care. And we (I know)-from the bottom of our heart-wanted to learn at least something from her. Well, it’s obvious that no one wants to get divorced. Then, she began to explain the reason. And she started from a history of how she met her (gonna be) ex husband.
“It’s almost 5 years ago. We’re actually school friends, and we met again on our school reunion. And we’re the only one who are single. Now, when I think about it…” She sighed a little and took a sip of her drink, “We both just wanted to be in a relationship. Because everyone does so. We just don’t want to be left behind.” She laughed sourly, “Isn’t it funny? After graduation and work, after we became the so called adult, we still do the same thing we did in school. I mean,
we still want something just because everyone elses have it. So irrational.
So dumb.” And right after she finished her words. Her eyes popped out as she realized she said something wrong. “Oooops, sorry. I. Not we. It’s just me, right? Haha… sorry. My bad.” And she performed another bleak laugh.
“And then we tried to love each other. To accept each other. To understand each other and whatever. We wanted to have a beautiful relationship. We worked hard for it. And we managed to maintain a good relationship for 3 years. We thought we really love each other.” She changed her sitting position before she called a waitress and ordered another menu. “Turned out, if you really love each other, It won’t feel like it’s a work at all. You just gonna like it, pampering the relationship.
But, we both forgot that love is not the same as career.
No matter how hard you work for it, if it’s not there, it’s not there. And yes, it’s not here.” She pointed to her chest, “and also not here.” She moved her finger to her head.
“But we’re in denial. We calculated and we didn’t want to let those 3 years to be wasted. So we kept going with what we had. That ridiculous, superficial, and artificial relationship.” Her choice of vocabulary was suddenly becoming weird. “And then there were these ‘demands’ from the society. Our parents kept pushing us to get married sooner. They kept saying that it’s gonna be too late if we don’t have it at that time.
And besides that, once again, that stupid school habit occured. We did it because everyone elses did get married. We didn’t want to be left behind.
It was 2 years ago.”
“We both had felt that the marriage was wrong from the beginning. But, it’s too soon. We thought it’s normal. Everyone said that it’s common. Now, I wonder if it’s truly true? Is it acceptable? To feel wrong when you get married with the one you truly love? I guess not. And I was right. It was wrong. The marriage.”
“But, why now? After 2 years? Hmmmm… how should I said it. Well, to put it simply. We’re in another denial. We worked another hard work. It’s bizzare right? Well, after reaching this point, I think I should let you know that the saying ‘don’t give up easily’ could be such a critical trap, guys. Trust me.
Sometimes, you need to give up as soon as possible if it feels not right, trust your intuition.
Don’t trust your logic. Don’t trust your parents. Don’t trust the majority. Don’t trust the society. You know best about your condition. They don’t. No at all. Your logic too, because most of the time logic comes from general opinion about general things. Apparently, feelings can’t be understand by using logic.”
“So, one day. I had had enough. We sat together, he’s on the sofa. I’m on the bed. And it happened.” She smiled, and I could feel her happiness.
“I asked him, ‘will you unmarry me?'”
“At first, he hesitated and asked if I was joking. I said no. But he’s still not sure. I need 10 minutes to make him know that I am serious. When he did, he asked me if it’ll the best for us, I said yes. And then he asked if it’ll be good for our families, I said I don’t give a fuck!” She laughed. And it’s truly funny now, we’re all laughing. “Come on, marriage should be about the couple, that’s all. Right?”
I nodded my head. One of my friends seemed to have another opinion but he held it back. It’s not the right time to argue about this matter anyway.
“So, that’s the reason. We just never love each other. We like each other. And we thought it’s enough. But it’s not. We rushed ourselves and get married because we are…” She tried to find the right word, and when she did, she jumped on her sit happily, “We were stupid! We shouldn’t get married when we’re not sure.
Better be late but right than to be on time but wrong.“
I don’t know about my other friends, but that explanation is enough for me to understand her position. No one is wrong in this situation. She is a nice woman. Her husband is a nice man. It’s just, they’re not for each other. That’s all. I understand.
And then my friend closed the topic by telling us a secret that made us laugh hysterically, “Anyway, to tell the truth, I’m not sad at all because I’m going to be divorced. I’m sad. It’s true, but it’s because of the fact that getting a divorce actually required us to pay for a quite lot of money.”
Well, we have a weird sense of humor.
Inspired by: a true story of my (anonimous) friend*