How Would I Live Alone In The Future?

Until now, there’re these questions I couldn’t ensure myself to answer.

“What’re you going to do when you’re old?”

“Are you going to get married?”

“Living in some fancy big house?”

“How are you going to live? From the saving you made?”

“How are you going to live in the future by yourself?”

I have no idea. None.

Honestly, I don’t know if I’m going to get married. There, it automatically kills the idea of having children. Evenless, grandchildren. However, I’ve this vision. That puts my heart and mind in peace despite of all the ingnorances flagging in my soul.

I’ll be sitting in a nice comfy wooden chair, it shouldn’t be neccessarily a rockery. Just a chair that doesn’t exhaust my hip and back is enough. I also can see the room I’ll be in, it’s not too bright, but it’s not too dark neither. It’s shady. The air is glowing with the smell of lemongrass, basil and some sort of flowers I don’t recognize. It’s crisp, it’s like the air near a waterfall. The atmosphere is like in the forest after a small rain. It’s calm, serene, daring, mysterious, mesmerizing and divine. I adore it, it’s like looking right through the eyes of the person I love for this first time. I’m going to enjoy it.

Then there will be these big and small bookshelves placed in the room, full of books. I’m going to have all the books I’ve always wanted to read!!! Books from all around the world. German, India, Palestine, Sweden, France, everywhere. And I’ll be reading them to spend my time, and by the time I get bored, I’ll watch movies. Or write my own story. Or draw the characters that always hauntingly popping out in my head. I’m gonna make them noticed by the world through the story I’ll make. They’ll be popular. Famous and infamous. Well, some of them are not that protagonist, I must admit.

Yes, that’s what I can say about how I would live in the future. I’m going to have all the books I’ve always wanted to read, and I’ll have the time for all of them!!! We’re going to be a good family, living In that forest near a waterfall. I’m gonna spend my old body like that I guess, not forgetting that I’ll have my favorite tea mixed with honey or chamomile or lemon or lavendar or else, anytime I’ll like them to come. I’ll also have all the fruit and vegetables I love. That’s perfect.


Yes, that’s how. I can imagine, the life I’m going to live in the future.

Even though I’ll be alone (hopefully not). 

I still can enjoy the life by myself.

It’ll still be a happy ending.

My very own kind of happy ending.




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Once Upon A Childhood Times


We’re all believers.


Of beautiful things, of magical dreams.

Until the truth broke us. Oh yes, that hateful truth.


We used to believe in miracles.

Of fairies, of angels, of balloons.

Of so many things we fear to take a faith in now.


Fear that we’ll become a fool to believe again.

How nostalgic, how bittersweet.


We used to believe in happy endings and happily ever after.

Oh how the past tense feels so wicked.


Once upon a childhood times.

We believe that there’re so many worlds to explore.

We’re adventurous. We wanted to find out.

But when we grow up. We fear.

What exactly we’re afraid of?


Let’s wonder. 

Why we have to grow up?

If it means we have to stop dreaming.

About the impossible to come true?


Can we fly?

Can we cast fire to melt ice?

Can we bring light in the dark?

Or… does anyone still believe that we can,

somehow heal people who get hurt?



Can we go back?

And make it twice?


Let’s wonder.

And don’t lose the faith that we can.

And believe that we can save the world.

And love forever.

And be happy.

No matter.



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What it has taken me 33 years to learn

Irwan Juanda:

My first reblog. Why? It’s worth it!!!

Originally posted on The Justin McElroy Institute:

Screen Shot 2013-11-08 at 9.30.05 AM

-You can be funny and kind or funny and cruel. The second one is easier, but the first one is worth it.

-Dip the french fry in the Frosty. Go on, try it.

-Habit is a powerful force we forget about until it’s turned against us. Be careful which ones you create.

-You will remember the most embarrassing crap you do in your life forever and in perfect clarity. Everyone else will remember the kindest things you do. It all comes out in the wash.

-If you’re doing a remote podcast, it’s worth it to record audio locally and mix it together. Trust me on this one.

-You’re the only one who can let go of your grudges. It’s worth it, I promise. They’re not doing you any good.

-Doing the good, brave, kind things can feel silly if you let your internal critic get in the way. Reminder: No…

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Propinquity Effect


Your eyes, sweety. They’re heartbreaking.

In no inches. I can see.

They emit something sad, calamitous sceneries.


How you try to speak, just to fail and stutter.

The way you talk, and try not to tell the thing I don’t want to hear.

I could listen. To your expression.

The joyless beauty your iris reflects. Every single blink.

In this closeness. I vividly smell your heart’s scent.

It’s lovely. Like a healthy sugar, sweet, yet not deadly.

And the music your breath sings. It leaves me hanging.


“How are you?” You asked.

“I am fine, but not that fine. . .

I am not fine, but not that not fine.”

And the finale question shows up, “Can we try again?”

And we open up a new canvas. To paint a new art.


Beginning. Never feels so distant.

In my yesterday’s future. You’re still there.

With your poignant eyes.

With your innocent bleak smile.

With witless and withering blesses.


And to go back to that chapter.

Where we met under violin’s rain.

When we listened to the orchestra played,

by the drizzling cosmetique in the sky.

Not to forget that one umbrella to cover our ‘igˈzistəns’.

It’s the propinquity effect, sweety.

A reason to open the door, and let the guest…

You, become a forever heart-part.

In my very weary life.





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The Rain Bringer



I wore the starry t-shirt once again.

I took it back from my sister’s closet after I gave it to her months ago.

I wanted it… k-c-a-b!


The last time I wore it, I was soaked wet by a heavy rain.

I brought my umbrella but too afraid of the lightning so I didn’t use it.

I walked under the rain, wearing stars on my body. 

Those unfortunate stars. I swear, those unfortunate stars.

Fortunately, I passed the rain.

Unfortunately, I rained the past.

Oh how I love to play with contradiction.

Ouch, how contradiction love to play me around.

Ha… ha…




Any-galaxy, talking about stars.

Do you know that the stars you’re able to see in the night sky are actualy the dead ones?

Yes, they are. Or as far as I know it.


So, one day. When I was on my way home.

I looked at the sky. There were no stars.

It’s too visually quiet.

I guess I hate it. And I hate that I have to guess it.

But  one thing for sure, I realize it’s a cruel feeling.

since that means no stars are dead and I wonder,

“Well, there’s none tonight? So quiet. Wait… why is it that the thing I expect is their death?


Maybe, by any chance,

that’s the reason why I took my starry t-shirt back.

I wish I won’t wish for the stars to die anymore.

Coz’ I’ll have it worn on me. It’s closer and morally right.

Except the fact that I stole the shirt. B-a-c-k.



I got no hunch at all about today.

I wore the starry t-shirt. Yes, the stolen one if you really need to know!!!

And it happened again. I should have knew it.

The starry t-shirt attracts rain to fall on me.

It’s magical, right?

To be precise, one dark magic. Seriously, no joke.


It’s dumb to think about it like that.

But dumb is one of human’s greatest talents, don’t you think so?

In my defense, I am human.

And I’m kind of sure that that’s why…

Some people make the same mistake twice or more.

Like the time they love people who hurt them, and undo their love, and love them back.

Or when they eat something which is far from tasty, and one day they try it again.

Expecting change. Yes. Expectation makes human dumb.

Or dumbness makes human expects…?

As said by someone I forgot the name already.


In the end,

I sat here. Playing with words in my mind.

I thought to myself,

“When did the last time I cry because I did a mistake? When did I smile because I was right?”

I can’t really remember to get the right answers.

Because what I recalled is that.

The last time I smile,

is when I realized that I wore the same starry t-shirt and the rain fell on me.

And the last time I cry,

is… when I was looking at the rainy sky.

It had too many stars.

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